Teen Sons and Emo/Goth Makeup
Sons Follow Popular Music Trends & Wear Eye-liner and Mascara
Teen cosmetics are becoming as popular with sons as they are with daughters - tips for parents on counselling teenagers about balancing radical make-up against respect.
Teen Style Experimentation
It may well be that the only reason a son uses cosmetics is because all his friends do. Their interest in it probably derives from theatricals and cult-dressing ( to blend in with Emo or Goth subcultures) and the seemingly innate and driven tendency of teens to stand out from adults, to look different , to shock. They are expressing individuality.
As Mark Gregson points out in his book When your Teen is Struggling "... in today's world, kids are exposed to so much that they try a little bit of everything. And as if satisfying their God-given need for individuality and independence, it can literally take over their lives." (Harvest House Publishers January 2007)
Gothic eye-liner and mascara can hardly be said to look feminine after all, when it strives to emulate that most macho and ruthless male – Dracula. Also, there are many tribes across the world who have very aggressive warriors. Some warriors spend hours on decorating themselves - in their case they call it war paint.
However, the Emo Scene look may be an attempt to simulate emotional distress - tearfulness, for example, could be suggested by deliberately streaked/drawn eye pencil; the "Tears of A Clown" effect. Many parents will remember trying out similarly outlandish garb and might like to ask themselves if they are still wearing that stuff to work today?
The Importance of Parental Tolerance
The likelihood is that if not too much is made of it, teens will outgrow this experimental phase as with many others - interminable as it may seem to parents! Moms might be able to take this on board more good-humoredly than proud Dads. The point is that sometimes over-reaction might be damaging to a child’s self-esteem. Downplaying (however tempted parents might be to ‘say something’ ) is less likely to upset teenagers or make them feel self-conscious. Chances are, the teen may already be feeling self-conscious, dreading ‘those comments’ and hiding his use of the cosmetics, perhaps saving ‘the full-on Scene look’ for school or socialising.
Lecturing probably will not help, forcing the teenage child to hide his interests and feel guilty about them. This might not be healthy and could spiral into a deepening and growing fascination with the whole topic.
Using ridicule to shame a young person into abandoning a look or tendency that parents find uncomfortable can sometimes be counter-productive, perhaps damaging. Emotional bonds that have taken years to build between parent and teen could be threatened and trust destroyed. Teens, who might be hyper-sensitive to criticism during High School age, may find this behaviour very difficult to forgive and overcome.
Compromising over Teen Appearance
One reason why parents may find great difficulty in biting tongues over the appearance of their sons, lies not in their own expectations, but in those of others. They may feel able to overcome the desperate urge to scrub the offending ‘decoration’ from their son’s countenance inside the house, but may feel very self-conscious themselves as parents in front of others – neighbours, bosses, extended family etc.
Teens, for their part, need to understand that this is a perfectly natural and valid parental reaction and that parents who work hard to provide for them, deserve to have their sensitivities taken into account too. A compromise could be sought - with a little communication.
Parents can agree to tolerate a certain amount of ‘hyped-up’ Goth or Scene glamming-up inside or in the privacy of teen peer groups, but teens should also realise that they should not abuse parents' good nature by deliberately embarrassing them in front of valued friends or colleagues.
Perhaps teens can save the worst excesses for school, parties or hanging-out, where their hours of preening can result in a more appreciative audience!
All is not lost when sons take an interest in their appearance. Often it has more to do with subcultures and fashion than cross-gender tendencies.
