Handling Teen Party Invitations
The Teen Drinking Culture - Parenting Tips For Vetting Invitations
Many parents can congratulate themselves on raising mature teens who act responsibly around adult alcohol consumption but what if party hosts themselves are the concern?
Many parents feel they are fortunate enough, and committed enough to have produced mature responsible teens who can be relied upon to act maturely in settings outside the family home, such as parties – whether Christmas, New Year's or otherwise. But what about the hosts of the parties? And what about the other guests? Parents may not be in a position to be sure of the hosts' commitment to ensuring that visiting teens are safe at their parties.
Setting examples for Teens
Teens may have been brought up to know clearly, and to obey the law regarding the consumption of alcohol, but cases have been reported where it was the adults, not the teens, who provided or condoned the consumption of alcohol at parties where teens were present.
In her article "Parents want end to Teenage Drinking" in The Oakland Tribune (June 16 , 2007), Katherine Tam (STAFF) outlined how one parent was calling for a new punitive fine for parents or other adult hosts who encourage, condone or allow the consumption of alcohol by teens on property they lease or own. The parent described an instance where the adult hosts of a party retired to bed for the night, leaving her daughter and over a dozen other High-schoolers drinking alcohol around a swimming pool.
Many parents would agree that the combination of unsupervised teens, alcohol and deep water is a potentially hazardous one, Many would trust their own teen to act sensibly in such circumstances, but peer group pressure is difficult enough for teens to cope with, without added stresses. If the parents of others are setting a bad example, the pressure to conform in a large group where teens feel outnumbered could prove too much for them. There are some steps parents can take to avoid these situations, and to lower the risks from dubious party invitations.
Vetting Teen Party Invitations
Parents who have kept their teens emotionally close to them growing up, will have a stronger bond - and may also have the sort of confiding relationship where teen concerns and observations about friends and families are shared. Parents can keep up to date with new information about families their teen may recently have met.
Keeping in close contact with parents of peer group friends, inviting them home, chatting with them at school events and sharing observations with them can build a common consensus of acceptable norms among groups of parents.
Inviting teen friends into the family home and involving them in warm friendly debate can sometimes give an insight into their family’s values. Parents might be better able to gauge the level of care they can expect for their own child in that setting, should an invitation arise.
Parents can insist that teen-to-teen invitations and acceptances are not enough. Teens may feel patronised by this but as minors, it is their hosts who are “in loco parentis” – not the teen friend who has issued the invitation. Parents can explain that it is the friend's parents' home to which teens have been invited, (not their teen friend’s property), and that they need to ascertain exactly what the circumstances will be in terms of chaperoning, on-site adult attendance, drinks-monitoring, adult alcohol consumption, finish times, first aid etc. Questions regarding supervision by adults, the absence of host parents and the authenticity of the invitation could all be answered parent-to-parent.
Teens can be personally accompanied to the party, perhaps considerably later than the time stated on the invitation. In this way parents may pick up a sense of the atmosphere there. If they are concerned, plans can always be changed - if standards of hosts or guests do not measure up, a planned sleepover can be cancelled and teens collected to spend the night in their own home. Even a late night phone call to a son or daughter at a party can speak volumes about their circumstances!
If other party hosts are unco-operative in this matter, parents may want to question their motives for condoning the consumption of alcohol in the presence of teens.
If teens/hosts are uncomfortable with certain standards then there are choices - either the teen doesn't go, or if it's a family gathering to which adults are invited - Mom and Dad go too!
