The Value of Positive Teen Girl Friendships
Gaining Confidence with Encouraging Female Relationships
Sep 10, 2009
Most fashionable television show and movies with teenage girls as main characters focus on the ruthlessness that can exist within female relationships. Even between friends, an underlying theme of jealousy and envy can be felt. The terms “mean girls” and “queen bees” have become popular within the last few years, but the definition is old: bullies.
Girl “Friends?”
Unfortunately society thrives on magnifying the negative side of female friendships. The recent popular movie series, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, focuses on the lives of four very different young girls who accept and encourage each other as they are.
These movies, based on the novels by Ann Brashares, take the focal point off the more shallow portrayals of teenage girls in contemporary film and television and showcase instead a different side of girl friendships – friendships that can withstand the inevitable truths of growing apart, disappointments, heartache, and forgiveness.
In the Sisterhood movies, the main characters go through life experiences that grow their friendship stronger. One suffers through the death of a parent; another girl encounters first love; one even has a pregnancy scare – themes that more girls may be able to empathize with and not simply on fashion or make-up. And although cliques, gossip, drugs and sex are realities of adolescence, it need not be the only topics one sees in television and movies.
Surviving Teen-Angst
The fact that popular TV shows such as “Gossip Girl,” and “90210” cater to young girls in junior high and high school can be a scary reality to parents. These shows are on the level with most daytime soap-operas with their under-age sexy characters and scandalous subject matters. However, if parents actually watched these shows with their daughters, it could serve as a platform to discuss some of the topics.
As uncomfortable as it can be, talking with a teenage girl about things that can go on in school can help keep her safe, and even let her know that her parent is a trustworthy adult who has gone through – and survived – her own teen-angst years.
Develop Friendships Early With Kids
A trusting friendship with a child is something that begins in infancy and is developed over years, treating the child in accordance to their maturity. Parents should remember their own experiences as teens and prepare to face similar challenges with their own kids. It’s unavoidable that there’ll be a time when a teen naturally prefers the company and opinions of her friends over her parents.
However, always keep a finger on the pulse of her social life by constantly keeping lines of conversation open. Jumping to conclusions about her can be dangerous and may even push her away if she is accused of something that is so out of character.
It’s usually in junior high that girl cliques can become prevalent, dominating and dictating a girl’s actions, thoughts and behavior. If she is around any of the “mean girls,” this influence can be destructive. Girls can have a more subtle and cunning way of peer-pressure which can damage a young girl’s budding independence and self-esteem.
Positive Friendships
Parents must never throw up their hands and give up on getting to know their adolescent, for they are constantly changing and developing their individuality.
Give her space for privacy, balanced with the understanding that the parent is first and foremost the parent. Get to know her friends and their parents, and encourage the more constructive friendships by inviting these girls over often. One may be relieved to discover that her friendships are more positive than destructive. And remember, the most important and healthy friendship she may have will be the one she shares with her parents.
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